✖ the loneliness finds me ✖
and i will stay here forever
blahI haven't really updated for a while, but oh well, doesn't matter.
I've got two new Claymore fanfictions up on both my fanfiction.net account and my deviantArt account, I'm doing them for my own enjoyment as well as others.
But I really needed to work on something else for a while before I continue the other ones, I just don't have the inspiration at the moment so the other ones that need to be continued will evidently be on a good pause for a while. So, I'm sorry about that, but if you keep updated to them you'll know when another chapter is up.
The first one I'm doing is modern day style with our main characters; Galatea, Flora, and Miria. Galatea owns a multi-billion dollar fashion company, and Flora and Miria are her assistants that have to do what she wants.
The other one is about Riful, and her life as a claymore before she chose to awaken upon her own will like she suggests.
soifon vs yoruichi amv
Posted on 2009.05.18 at 23:09Current Mood:
amused
Current Music: Butterfly (DDR remix) by Ayumi Hamasaki
Just go to my youtube channel to find it.
Again, another one, this one was just for plain fun. It's supposed to look like Soifon is singing. XD
Again, another one, this one was just for plain fun. It's supposed to look like Soifon is singing. XD
a clare x teresa video
Posted on 2009.05.18 at 22:43Current Mood:
awake
Current Music: Somebody by Nickelback
A video I made that I couldn't exactly put on the evil youtube because they kept removing it. So hah, I love photobucket more. :P
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | High |
| Schizoid: | Low |
| Schizotypal: | High |
| Antisocial: | Low |
| Borderline: | Very High |
| Histrionic: | Moderate |
| Narcissistic: | Moderate |
| Avoidant: | Very High |
| Dependent: | Very High |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | Moderate |
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information -- | |
content
As some people know I've been working on my own personal novel lately, but I'm not sure if any one of you are even interested, I have only two chapters up and available for reading.
It's a bit of a fantasy twist with pirates. A woman pirate who gets in more trouble than she can comprehend can't always escape from her troubles, she has to learn how come to terms with herself and what she is truly capable of. Her life, crew, and loved ones depend upon it.
If you would like to read it then please go here; link
I'm sure you'll be able to recognize it, since I used the same summary of the story here. I hope you like it, please leave a review/comment. ^^
It's a bit of a fantasy twist with pirates. A woman pirate who gets in more trouble than she can comprehend can't always escape from her troubles, she has to learn how come to terms with herself and what she is truly capable of. Her life, crew, and loved ones depend upon it.
If you would like to read it then please go here; link
I'm sure you'll be able to recognize it, since I used the same summary of the story here. I hope you like it, please leave a review/comment. ^^
sick
I suppose I don't eat normally in the first place anymore.
I only drink water or milk half the time when I'm thirsty.
And I don't eat anything until my stomach is ultimately churning and begging me to feed it.
But, what's strange is, when I used to eat quite a lot I barely gained any weight and I still look like a thin little stick.
Lately though, I feel like eating has become a bother/waste of time.
That's not healthy is it?
And as a result I've felt really sick, weak, and tired all the time.
I don't really know how to fix myself.
I only drink water or milk half the time when I'm thirsty.
And I don't eat anything until my stomach is ultimately churning and begging me to feed it.
But, what's strange is, when I used to eat quite a lot I barely gained any weight and I still look like a thin little stick.
Lately though, I feel like eating has become a bother/waste of time.
That's not healthy is it?
And as a result I've felt really sick, weak, and tired all the time.
I don't really know how to fix myself.
Well, I keep trying to draw anything in general and it keeps coming out like crap lately. I know I shouldn't just stop, since its supposed to help you get better at drawing when you continue to practice even through crappy sketches. If I really want to draw I might end up drawing my guy characters or something along those lines, because at least I can draw male anatomy better than female it seems. -__-
But I changed my layout again, because the other one was getting a bit too dark for my eyes and I couldn't tell where the image was anymore (I must be going blind D: ). Teresa always looks good, so I put her up there at the top, and even made myself a shnazzy little icon of Teresa to. I don't know how long I'll keep this color scheme, or continue to use Teresa, because I constantly change my mind. XD
I finished Le Chevalier D'Eon last week, and it was a pretty damn good series. So, if anyone is interested in something a bit different that is one I would recommend. I'm currently in the process of trying to find something else to watch, but I don't know what else since I've seen quite a lot. You could possibly reccomend some and I'll let you know if I saw it already. I'm watching Rose of Versailles again once I can finish getting all the things for it since I've always wanted to see the classic anime.
Oh, and my car kinda died on me yesterday and I had to walk home. I found out that it was just out of gas, but I suppose its about time to since I probably filled it once or twice out of the whole time I've had it (like 2yrs or something). I rarely use the suzuki, so that's why the car lasted so long, so don't get me wrong. XD But I need to find a way to fix the gas meter in that thing so I know how much is left, because I just filled it all the way yesterday but the meter says empty.
I even got my new mp3 player yesterday, and I got a bigger capacity one than I ordered, so I was like W00T! ^^ (I originally bought a 16gb, but they sent me a 32gb instead) It's different than my ipod before that, but it can definitely hold tons more songs and I don't have to worry about it blowing up or catching on fire like my ipod nano was starting to scare me about (it got really hot when it was plugged in for charging, i couldn't leave it alone for long).
So, that's all I got for updates today so far.
But I changed my layout again, because the other one was getting a bit too dark for my eyes and I couldn't tell where the image was anymore (I must be going blind D: ). Teresa always looks good, so I put her up there at the top, and even made myself a shnazzy little icon of Teresa to. I don't know how long I'll keep this color scheme, or continue to use Teresa, because I constantly change my mind. XD
I finished Le Chevalier D'Eon last week, and it was a pretty damn good series. So, if anyone is interested in something a bit different that is one I would recommend. I'm currently in the process of trying to find something else to watch, but I don't know what else since I've seen quite a lot. You could possibly reccomend some and I'll let you know if I saw it already. I'm watching Rose of Versailles again once I can finish getting all the things for it since I've always wanted to see the classic anime.
Oh, and my car kinda died on me yesterday and I had to walk home. I found out that it was just out of gas, but I suppose its about time to since I probably filled it once or twice out of the whole time I've had it (like 2yrs or something). I rarely use the suzuki, so that's why the car lasted so long, so don't get me wrong. XD But I need to find a way to fix the gas meter in that thing so I know how much is left, because I just filled it all the way yesterday but the meter says empty.
I even got my new mp3 player yesterday, and I got a bigger capacity one than I ordered, so I was like W00T! ^^ (I originally bought a 16gb, but they sent me a 32gb instead) It's different than my ipod before that, but it can definitely hold tons more songs and I don't have to worry about it blowing up or catching on fire like my ipod nano was starting to scare me about (it got really hot when it was plugged in for charging, i couldn't leave it alone for long).
So, that's all I got for updates today so far.
groggy
I made a couple animated Claymore icons, I had a bit of free time earlier today.
[10] Claymore (1 Galatea, 1 Miria, 1 Irene, 1 Teresa, 2 Ophelia, 2 Noel, 2 Priscilla)
If you wish to use these please credit & comment please.
( follow the battle scars... )
[10] Claymore (1 Galatea, 1 Miria, 1 Irene, 1 Teresa, 2 Ophelia, 2 Noel, 2 Priscilla)
If you wish to use these please credit & comment please.
( follow the battle scars... )
intimidatedSo, the house rules have again changed in the hell hole I dare call home.
I've got all these ridiculous rules, and even got my primary car taken away this morning (meaning my mother took the keys and crap). And I'm stuck driving the old car again, with the front license plate literally tied to the front grill just so I can drive it without being pulled over for not having one on the front because I don't have the dumb screws for the actual spots. And of all things, I was so worried I was going to get pulled over for it again and hoping I didn't run into any trouble when I'm on my simple ten minute drive this early morning. But I did run into one, and happily I was left ignored so I'm hoping it will stay that way until I find my actual screws for the license plate.
But, anyway, these new rules are ridiculous. And I'm hoping not to get my phone taken away next tonight, then my internet connection the next day, by which the third day I will be honest to god kicked out of the house. I know I was supposed to talk to my college to see if I am even allowed to go into classes next semester, but I know the damn answer is a big fat no. Because I suck at school period. I'm hoping to talk to my mother without the long problematic discussion tonight to keep my phone (since not going to the school is the one that will get me kicked out by the third day of not going there to ask).
Applying for jobs isn't easy either, but I'm trying my best by applying everywhere that I can possible manage today. I need to find a job if I'm in danger of getting kicked out, but more so that I can stay here at my mothers house until about August when I really do plan to get out of the house. My mother says she wants to help me if I plan to move out and everything, so I'm hoping me planning on getting a job over the summer isn't a big damn problem for her.
accomplished
crushed
I'm so sick of hearing how horrible I am from everyone I know, it hurts so bad that I don't know how to react anymore. Every single time I hear it I feel worse, I continue to get sick, and feel like no one ever wants me around. I've done all that I can to please people, but in the end it just doesn't seem like its enough, because it just keeps getting worse every day.
What am I doing wrong, when people have to constantly call me cruel names, and ignore me otherwise? I don't feel like I even exist, and even if I do to them... I'm not the right one they want to see. I'm tired all the time, and afraid to leave the house sometimes, but to a certain extent I wish I was already out of this place.
I'm a pathetic mess, and I know nobody even cares, so why should I even bother trying to write it down... when it doesn't make me feel any better in the first place. I just want to be out of here, but I know I can't, and I don't want to hinder others with my presence either. I'll always be a big waste of time, and space, because I will never get anywhere.
Some people say they can see themselves with a bright future, and can see it... but I don't see anything ahead of me. I'm afraid to look ahead, and afraid to "spread my wings" but isn't everyone at some point? I can't even "fly" yet, my entity wants to stay grounded because of my fears, and I know I can't take those steps to even spread them.
Everything I do, say, or want to say... just happens to be a waste of time to everyone. And I don't know, if I'll ever be able to change that.
What am I doing wrong, when people have to constantly call me cruel names, and ignore me otherwise? I don't feel like I even exist, and even if I do to them... I'm not the right one they want to see. I'm tired all the time, and afraid to leave the house sometimes, but to a certain extent I wish I was already out of this place.
I'm a pathetic mess, and I know nobody even cares, so why should I even bother trying to write it down... when it doesn't make me feel any better in the first place. I just want to be out of here, but I know I can't, and I don't want to hinder others with my presence either. I'll always be a big waste of time, and space, because I will never get anywhere.
Some people say they can see themselves with a bright future, and can see it... but I don't see anything ahead of me. I'm afraid to look ahead, and afraid to "spread my wings" but isn't everyone at some point? I can't even "fly" yet, my entity wants to stay grounded because of my fears, and I know I can't take those steps to even spread them.
Everything I do, say, or want to say... just happens to be a waste of time to everyone. And I don't know, if I'll ever be able to change that.
its dark tonight
Posted on 2009.04.27 at 22:31Current Location: at my desk
Current Mood:
tired
Current Music: Broadway - Goo Goo Dolls
"...You choke down all your anger
Forget your only son
You pray to statues when you sober up for fun
Your anger don't impress me
The world slapped in your face
It always rains like hell on the loser's day parade
You see, you'd love to run home, but you know you ain't got one
Cuz you're livin' in a world that you're best forgotten
When you're thinkin' you're a joke and nobody's gonna listen
To the one small point I know they've been missing around here..."
Forget your only son
You pray to statues when you sober up for fun
Your anger don't impress me
The world slapped in your face
It always rains like hell on the loser's day parade
You see, you'd love to run home, but you know you ain't got one
Cuz you're livin' in a world that you're best forgotten
When you're thinkin' you're a joke and nobody's gonna listen
To the one small point I know they've been missing around here..."
another dark day
Posted on 2009.04.27 at 11:05Current Mood:
depressed
Current Music: Hemorrhage (In My Hands) - FUEL
I wish things were as easy as they sounded.
There are just some things that will never go as planned, and some plans that will fall through before they even get anywhere.
I don't know if I can possibly sit back, and take so many classes at once for a year in hopes that I'll be able to pass them and get the small little degree. And I keep getting pushed farther, and farther, away from my girlfriend. Instead of the usual 30+ minutes of driving to go see her, I'll have a big 3hr commute when I want to see her.
Sure, I could probably stay for a couple days or something, but I'd probably have to stay in a hotel. This is a huge upset for me, because I'm not doing well financially in the first place, because I can't find a god damn job anywhere. Money for gas in the suv (which I always have to ask to use from my mother), costs a lot and my little car would probably break down because its an old car.
I don't know what I'm going to do, I want to move out of this house and away from my mother, but I wouldn't have anywhere to go.
And, even if I don't want to doubt anybody, its nearly been shoved down my throat that even this relationship wont last long. I don't know why I feel like that, but... I've had my heart torn in two several times before. And, I feel like I've had my heart crushed a million times in the past life, a past that no one would probably believe me to be true.
Do I have the right to feel... alone, afraid, and doubtful?
I feel so stark raving mad at the same time, but I can't express it like I want to. Because every time I try, I feel overly emotional, and I break down in a heartbeat. My whole life feels like it will continue in this haphazard whirlpool, and I'm trapped in it, as everything is constantly put into motion but repeated over and over again.
What am I going to do... I can't be away from her for a year, I could not stand it as much as others can.
I just wish I lived even closer, had the means of money, and able to keep myself together.
Stupid, fucked up, life.
If I was in love with a guy, my mom would be happier with me, and not be so god damned pissed off at me all the time. And this is why I never wanted her to find out, because she doesn't give a shit to how I feel when she says those horrible things straight to my face.
If I do, by some twisted chance, get thrown away like another piece of trash in a relationship.
I wont stick around forever.
contemplative
So, I get a lot of good comments elsewhere on my claymore fics right? But sometimes they are a bit confusing, one such I can't understand if s/he likes them or just loves critizising me. (Believe me, I enjoy getting helpful tips, so don't get me wrong.)
But, apparently, I need to start writing normal claymore fics without the "sexytimes". I do have to agree, because I think that's what's really making me writing anything take for like ever. So, don't be surprised if I start changing things a bit, I need to be able to open the doors a little and not confine myself to just writing it one way.
Maybe, do more of the things I did with the first Miria/Tabby fic I did; Everytime we touch. And, possibly, even more Cynthia/Yuma ones that are more cute fluff than anything else. Just to try things out for a while, I might do that with others to though, so I wont be all fluffy occupied.
Was considering a cute Cynthia/Yuma one again.. in maybe modern day style, but I'm still thinking about what I'll do with it.
---
Otaku-Con! Coming June 2009 in Spokane, WA!
And, as I need to, about the con my girlfriend is creating. It's in June this year, and more or less going to be a brand new one to. As I've mentioned before, it's in Spokane so you don't have to take the grueling drive, or however you get there, all the way to Seattle for Sakura-Con every year.
If you want some more information, you should probably go to the website that's being built. [ Otaku-Con ]
We of course, are looking for some people who want to cosplay claymores. So far we have a Miria, Clare (male uniform), and Jean, possibly Rigardo. So, if your interested, just let us know whom you'd like to go as and it doesn't matter if we have doubles or anything.
But, apparently, I need to start writing normal claymore fics without the "sexytimes". I do have to agree, because I think that's what's really making me writing anything take for like ever. So, don't be surprised if I start changing things a bit, I need to be able to open the doors a little and not confine myself to just writing it one way.
Maybe, do more of the things I did with the first Miria/Tabby fic I did; Everytime we touch. And, possibly, even more Cynthia/Yuma ones that are more cute fluff than anything else. Just to try things out for a while, I might do that with others to though, so I wont be all fluffy occupied.
Was considering a cute Cynthia/Yuma one again.. in maybe modern day style, but I'm still thinking about what I'll do with it.
---
Otaku-Con! Coming June 2009 in Spokane, WA!
And, as I need to, about the con my girlfriend is creating. It's in June this year, and more or less going to be a brand new one to. As I've mentioned before, it's in Spokane so you don't have to take the grueling drive, or however you get there, all the way to Seattle for Sakura-Con every year.
If you want some more information, you should probably go to the website that's being built. [ Otaku-Con ]
We of course, are looking for some people who want to cosplay claymores. So far we have a Miria, Clare (male uniform), and Jean, possibly Rigardo. So, if your interested, just let us know whom you'd like to go as and it doesn't matter if we have doubles or anything.
I've listed them from the most recently submitted fanfics to the first one I've done, so newest to oldest listing. Hope you have fun reading them. Comment here, or to one of the two sites I've listed below when you wish to leave one. Comments on the stories are always appreciated.
Title: Submit to Me
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 2,519
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Violence/Gore, Language, Sexual Themes, Ideologically Sensitive
Series: Claymore
Summary: Riful is having a terribly off day with Dauf's discouraging behavior, and then the most annoying claymore has to show up. A great way to make things worse, but it brings her new ideas to make them awaken. (Riful & Galatea)
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
If going to dA there are two parts to the story, so you must search into the gallery for the second part.
-----
Title: Must Get Out
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 1,721
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: N/A
Series: Claymore
Summary: Miria has too much pent-up energy, and needs to go out for a run but decides to take Tabitha with her, how will the night ensue? Miria x Tabitha.
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
-----
Title: Accidental Kiss
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 1,379
Rating: PG
Warnings: N/A
Series: Claymore
Summary: Set after the newest chapter of Claymore that's been released, Ch 90 . A possibility of what could happen between Yuma and Cynthia, while their alone in the forest together when Clare took off. Cynthia x Yuma.
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
-----
Title: Silver Tears
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 4,109 (Three chapters so far)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Angst, Sexual Themes
Series: Claymore
Summary: Irene's story of her emotion filled mind after being alone so long, and craving the death that constantly swirls around her. But all she asks is that she can have Teresa back in her life, even if it means dealing with death himself. Irene x Teresa.
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
If you go to my deviantArt page you must go through my gallery to get the other chapters.
-----
Title: Heart Of Misery
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 4,840 (Four Chapters so far)
Rating: Mature / NC-17
Warnings: Nudity, Sexual Themes
Series: Claymore
Summary: The gentle and soft spoken warrior comes across her idol from which her windcutter derived from, but how will such a young warrior react to how she really feels about her senior? Irene x Flora.
( Fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
If you go to my deviantArt entry for this story, you must go through my gallery to get the other parts.
-----
Title: Everytime We Touch
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 1,040
Rating: PG
Warnings: N/A
Series: Claymore
Summary: Just a short fluff about Miria and Tabitha.
( Fanfiction.net Entry ) or ( deviantArt Entry )
-----
Title: Death Is The Road to Awe
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 1,696
Rating: Mature / NC-17
Series: Claymore
Warnings: Blood, and Yuri
Summary: Teresa x Irene - It's so filthy to be bathed in yoma blood, they proceed to a spring to wash it off. YURI.
( Fanfiction.net Entry ) or ( deviantArt Entry )
Title: Submit to Me
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 2,519
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Violence/Gore, Language, Sexual Themes, Ideologically Sensitive
Series: Claymore
Summary: Riful is having a terribly off day with Dauf's discouraging behavior, and then the most annoying claymore has to show up. A great way to make things worse, but it brings her new ideas to make them awaken. (Riful & Galatea)
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
If going to dA there are two parts to the story, so you must search into the gallery for the second part.
-----
Title: Must Get Out
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 1,721
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: N/A
Series: Claymore
Summary: Miria has too much pent-up energy, and needs to go out for a run but decides to take Tabitha with her, how will the night ensue? Miria x Tabitha.
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
-----
Title: Accidental Kiss
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 1,379
Rating: PG
Warnings: N/A
Series: Claymore
Summary: Set after the newest chapter of Claymore that's been released, Ch 90 . A possibility of what could happen between Yuma and Cynthia, while their alone in the forest together when Clare took off. Cynthia x Yuma.
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
-----
Title: Silver Tears
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 4,109 (Three chapters so far)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Angst, Sexual Themes
Series: Claymore
Summary: Irene's story of her emotion filled mind after being alone so long, and craving the death that constantly swirls around her. But all she asks is that she can have Teresa back in her life, even if it means dealing with death himself. Irene x Teresa.
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
If you go to my deviantArt page you must go through my gallery to get the other chapters.
-----
Title: Heart Of Misery
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 4,840 (Four Chapters so far)
Rating: Mature / NC-17
Warnings: Nudity, Sexual Themes
Series: Claymore
Summary: The gentle and soft spoken warrior comes across her idol from which her windcutter derived from, but how will such a young warrior react to how she really feels about her senior? Irene x Flora.
( Fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
If you go to my deviantArt entry for this story, you must go through my gallery to get the other parts.
-----
Title: Everytime We Touch
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 1,040
Rating: PG
Warnings: N/A
Series: Claymore
Summary: Just a short fluff about Miria and Tabitha.
( Fanfiction.net Entry ) or ( deviantArt Entry )
-----
Title: Death Is The Road to Awe
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 1,696
Rating: Mature / NC-17
Series: Claymore
Warnings: Blood, and Yuri
Summary: Teresa x Irene - It's so filthy to be bathed in yoma blood, they proceed to a spring to wash it off. YURI.
( Fanfiction.net Entry ) or ( deviantArt Entry )
Title: Submit to Me
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 2,519
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Violence/Gore, Language, Sexual Themes, Ideologically Sensitive
Series: Claymore
Summary: Riful is having a terribly off day with Dauf's discouraging behavior, and then the most annoying claymore has to show up. A great way to make things worse, but it brings her new ideas to make them awaken. (Riful & Galatea)
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
If going to dA there are two parts to the story, so you must search into the gallery for the second part.
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 2,519
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Violence/Gore, Language, Sexual Themes, Ideologically Sensitive
Series: Claymore
Summary: Riful is having a terribly off day with Dauf's discouraging behavior, and then the most annoying claymore has to show up. A great way to make things worse, but it brings her new ideas to make them awaken. (Riful & Galatea)
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
If going to dA there are two parts to the story, so you must search into the gallery for the second part.
Here's a couple claymore fanarts I've made so far, and I'll probably be making more along the way.
Miria
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/b
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/t
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/r
Veronica
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/V
Teresa
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/t
Riful
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/r
Miria
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/b
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/t
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/r
Veronica
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/V
Teresa
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/t
Riful
http://faithlessrouge.deviantart.com/art/r
Title: Must Get Out
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 1,721
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: N/A
Series: Claymore
Summary: Miria has too much pent-up energy, and needs to go out for a run but decides to take Tabitha with her, how will the night ensue? Miria x Tabitha.
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )
Author: kirikoneko
Word Count: 1,721
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: N/A
Series: Claymore
Summary: Miria has too much pent-up energy, and needs to go out for a run but decides to take Tabitha with her, how will the night ensue? Miria x Tabitha.
( fanfiction.net ) or ( deviantArt )